|
sadwinterleaves
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Amy Nicole
State: Indiana
Metro: Indianapolis
Birthday: 4/3/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: chuck taylors, awesome people, vegan cuisine, the Bible, working at Motherhood Maternity, Crossroads Bible College, the color green, playing dressup and pretending im not getting old, not smoking or getting drunk, creating positive relationships, did i say playing dressup? b/c i do that a lot.
Expertise: failing God, reading people, helping people, selling maternity clothes lol I'm just really good with people...though I enjoy spending most of my time alone.
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  lipsequalproof
Yahoo:  iheartemocore
Member Since:
11/30/2003
|
|
| I feel useless. I feel like I can do nothing to really help anyone. I sit here in my fancy house, complaining about bills, and eating whatever I want...I get depressed over not having anything to do on a friday night, and I get my kicks from doing crossword puzzles. I spend my money on clothes. I think about myself a lot. I live a life of intense cushioning, and yet I complain about not being able to drive. I am ungrateful, and I am ashamed. I can't finish that book, and I can't watch anymore of that movie...I can't handle what life is for the rest of the world. I don't think I can live like this anymore... My life is so easy, and so I just find things to be unhappy about. Even my recreations disgust me...I don't know what to do. | | |
| I beat myself up for not being more patient. But I wasn't completely blinded. It seems stupid but I wouldn't put him before my sister *#1* on myspace until i had a second ring on my finger. No one comes before my sister. I wouldn't have sex until marriage. Even though he convinced me that in God's eyes we were already married. I believed him, but wanted that piece of paper. He's been on my mind the past two days. I keep wondering how it would be if I dated someone else. Am I really ready? Would I compare them all the time? Would I feel guilty if I thought of him? And what happens when we run into him? More importantly should I be worrying about any of this? I wasn't really happy. I wondered all the time if I was making a mistake. I wondered if there was someone better out there for me. I wondered if he was lying to me. And I can't count how many times I took off that ring just so I could breathe. how many times i threw it at him. how i would always say i wasn't going to put it back on...but I always did for some reason. I guess because we felt like in God's eyes we were married...and I didn't want to cause that to end. He did the right thing. I can breathe. And I don't have to wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I don't have to wonder if I'm being lied to. It's a terrible feeling. I had no trust. No trust at all. I don't have to wake up every morning with that sick feeling. and I don't have to cry anymore. and it feels SO good. | | |
| Just wanted to state that poopface texted me a while back...being rude and wanting a favor.
I didn't respond. and won't.
I owe him nothing.
He thinks I am so weak....
but I got my car back and I'm done with his sorry ass.
| | |
| What I'm really learning is that there are many people in this world that I don't care for. Perhaps this is why I'm learning patient. I don't know how to tell the difference....
I'm reading The Tattooed Girl by Joyce Carol Oates. It's a wonderful book so far, but it had me fooled. Maybe I just want something to believe in. I believed that this character was out to do good, and then out of no where he turns into every other creep you hear about. I hate him. I hate him for hurting her like everyone else has.
People change and it's hard to know who to trust. Two-faced.
She made love to him and told him that she loved him (she didn't).
False intimacies.I want to be done with them. I'm not sure if I'm a big enough person though....
I don't want those false intimacies that she experiences. I want to gain the patience to learn to truly love. And that takes time.
Oh God, teach me patience, as quickly as you can.
| | |
| Well, this past weekend I went out to the Vogue to see Margot and the Nuclear So and So's. We had some drinks and even though I'm quitting, I smoked (I haven't smoked since.) So we went up to the front right like we always do and decided we hated it there because we're right by the speaker. Angie decided to be the brave one. or the bitch. however you'd like to think of it :o) She pushed herself to the front, quite aggressively. We couldn't do it. Not to much later some people walked out and we think about taking the opportunity, and ask the people to the side of us, and the girl is like Yeah! Go for it! We were really surprised and I think I told her I loved her. Anywhew, the point is they were super nice and we got to the VERY front. i was banging my hand against the amp and waving at the band. I danced my pants off. best show EVER. dang. lkasjdflkjsldfkjlsjdf nothing better than me and the girls with some drinks at a Margot show. I've lost track of how many times we've seen them. but every single time is amazing. :o)
After the show i was, well...pretty hazy. I had four tequila sunrises. I make an exception to drink more than I usually do at these shows. I ran into Mischon Kareken lookin' hot! I decided not to say hi but to just walk up and hug her. haha I proceeded to use foul language that would later embarass me. She's my old roommate from Anderson. Aww I miss her. If you're reading this I miss you!! After that we went to the Living Room where I made friends with a large black woman named Amy. I love her. She protected me from a creepy guy who kept insisting we went to the same high school. though he couldn't name it. ha fool. Once inside I run into Alissa...crap I can't remember her last name. Huebler? I don't know. She was in the art program with me at AU and lived in my dorm. Anyway I remembered her first name and dizzaaam she got hot! She lost weight, grew out her hair, had on makeup and a sexy shirt and I was amazed. She was kind of a jock back in freshman year, but she was rockin' it! Go Alissa! I hardly recognized her, but i was staring trying to figure it out, and she looked up at me, and...i recently dyed my hair blondish, so she didn't recognize me right away either.
i went home to an add request on myspace from Kristin Kline (the origional KK) who also lived on my floor. weiirrd.
Also, as an added story...I didn't feel well at the Living Room. I got really hot and they took me home. I thought i was just really drunk and dizzy, but i took my temperature and it was 102. I felt really sick all and called into work at about 2 am with a severely sore throat that had just developed. I went to the doctor at 11am and was diagnosed with...oh yes....none other....you guessed it....I have....MONO! I'm down and out for a week. If you're immune and get bored, visit me!
| | |
|
